


How the Accursed Lamented Christmas

by DragonGirl218



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Bitter, Bittersweet, Christmas, Gen, Secret Santa Fic, ardyn as a relatable antagonist, ardyn reflects on holiday cheer and love, the woes of immortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 08:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13119894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonGirl218/pseuds/DragonGirl218
Summary: Few days are more painful for Imperial Chancellor Ardyn Izunia as Christmas, with all its seasonal cheer and focus on family in Gralea.The reason why is only obvious if you knew what went on inside his head during that time...





	How the Accursed Lamented Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsukibeam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukibeam/gifts).



> For tsukibeam as part of a Holiday Gift Exchange! I went more bittersweet than pure grinch-y bitter, but I hope you still like it!!!

“Ah, Christmas… the time of year when everyone gathers ‘round with family and friends to spread cheer and show their love to help them through the harsh winter…” Ardyn noted with his usual slimy air as he looked out his window.  As Chancellor of Niflheim, he of course lived in Gralea, and as Gralea was where the holiday had originally began, it had retained its original meaning despite all the time that had passed.

Gods, how Ardyn almost yearned for the capitalistic drivel of the Insomnians’ idea of Christmas.  At least then he could buy himself a new scarf for 70% off the day after.  Not that money was an issue to someone of his influence, but it was the principle of the matter.  Such a blatant twisting of the season into a capitalistic heyday of greed, profits, and expectations -- a holiday where he could splurge on himself and not have to think of the more touchy-feely aspects of the season.

Below he spied a couple of familiar faces: High Commander Ravus Nox Fleuret and Commodore Aranea Highwind.  They had recently begun courting, awkward as it was with their clashing personalities, and it seemed the two had finally decided on something of a date if their holding of hands was any indication.  Ardyn was about to shrug it off as the holiday spirit infecting the two, but then he noticed Ravus… laugh…?  Oh gods, it looked so  _ wrong _ on the High Commander’s normally grumpy face, he was unable to hold back his own bellowing laughter, so strong he had no choice but to sit on his sofa whilst he got over it.

Once he recovered he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, then sat back with a sigh.  As much as he knew he ought to be happy that others could enjoy Christmas, he was unable to muster up the feeling.  Partly because he was full of daemons and that was both infinitely uncomfortable and unbelievably depression, but also because he could never participate.

Sure, he could  _ try _ .  In fact, he had tried, many times over the centuries.  It just… never worked out.  Not when his pain still felt so fresh.  Not with the daemons constantly reminding him of his mortal life and all that he had lost.  Not just his throne, his legacy, and his mortality.

He had lost his family, his friends, his Shield, and his beloved chocobo.  Locked away on Angelgard, they all had passed by the time he made his escape.  His chocobo was the worst for him, such a sweet creature who had loved him unconditionally, perhaps the only being who could still love him despite his condition, and he knew not whether the bird had passed naturally or if it had been executed like he had been.

At first he seemed able to get over it, he had gone through the grieving process and seemed to be at peace with the situation.  At least until years became decades, and decades became centuries, and everywhere he went, he saw people with  _ their _ loved ones, saw them age and lose those close to them and  _ die _ , finally able to reunite in the afterlife.  That was when the crushing sadness and loneliness and anger and  _ spite _ began to reemerge, as it became increasingly clear that he would be unable to find closure any time soon.  Those he had loved were not only gone, but also  _ happy _ , able to experience the joys of life beyond life which Ardyn would never be allowed -- for he understood that his death would almost certainly destroy his daemon infested soul, rather than allow it pass on to enjoy eternal peace.

Every time he tried to befriend someone, pursue a relationship, or even adopt a chocobo, the memories and pain returned soon enough to where he felt he had no other option than to leave them, to run away to another city or country so that he no longer needed to see them again.  In addition, as time went on, he took up his own tradition of escaping civilization during these types of holidays, so as to avoid the pain in its entirety.

Not that he could do so nowadays.  One drawback to being Chancellor was that he had to be available 24/7 in case of any dramatic mishaps with the army, or any unexpected failure on the part of such fallible, inexperienced mortals he had to deal with.  Not to mention that he was still expected to show up to the Keep every day as usual, lest Emperor Iedolas Aldercapt have a breakdown over ruling without his guidance.  Such a pathetic man, once so strong and capable, reduced to pitiably craving the Crystal like some sugar crazed toddler, unable to do anything but covet power he could never truly wield.

Much as he both loathed and pitied what the Emperor had become, the man was but further proof that Ardyn could never get back those that he had so dearly loved and missed.  For despite everything, Iedolas had had a wife once, and they had several children -- royal brats to be sure, but Ardyn could see the love between the father and his offspring.  Offspring old enough to have their own significant others, and all the more love in the family for it.  They certainly made work at this time of year all the more unbearable, as they visited with their father (or future father-in-law, as it might be) while he was at work, meaning the Chancellor had to witness the exchanges from the Emperor’s side.

Yet despite how much the air of love and family suffused the holiday season, Ardyn could never bring himself to begrudge the mortals.  He knew it was merely their nature, as it had once been his, and a small part of him was glad for it as the Eternal Night drew near.  They would need it if they were to survive through the coming years, until he finally died and left the world a better place for all truly living beings.  He could never fault the mortals, for he was more than guilty of all the love and joy he had experienced in his first life.

No, all of his spite and anger and  _ hatred _ was directed towards the Astrals, those beings so far removed from humanity that they were viewed as pieces in a game, mere playthings to elevate and curse as they saw fit.  They had played him like a fool once, and he knew this whole Prophecy was unnecessary, but as it was… now that it had started, it needed to be completed.  But oh, how he would make the Astrals sweat, threatening to ruin their millennia old plot every chance he got...


End file.
